final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
