if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
