She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
