we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
