he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Blood and glitter go together right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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