apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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