I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
