he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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