You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
