I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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