I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize