Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You are a genius and a whore.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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