Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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