Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
