i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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