We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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