He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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