Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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