i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
