My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
