Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize