I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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