I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
