Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
