nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
