Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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