I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
