We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
