How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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