just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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