We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
