we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
vagina is talking i cant
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
