Plan B is the new Plan A
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
