Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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