A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
