there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he was CRYING into my vagina
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
