You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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