Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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