return my video game
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
