then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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