Already got asked if we're dating
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
