I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
