so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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