Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love accidental penises.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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