We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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