of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
