he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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