So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
