I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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