I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize