i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
