Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize