just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
