Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
