I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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