So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
