I just saw a hot homeless man
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
