my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
