my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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