His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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