Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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