Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You made out with two different species that night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
