just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
