I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
