Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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