I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
