I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
