We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize