in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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