a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
