my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
