We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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